She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
