i just wanna soil my oats bro
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
