They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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