am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
