it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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