Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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