WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
