I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
