Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
