Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
