My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
