hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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