if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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