my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
