You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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