But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize