In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
