She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
