Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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