the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize