It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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