come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
