She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize