We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
