i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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