i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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