If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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