i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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