What tipped you off? The sombrero?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
