i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
