I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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