Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
