I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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