I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
