if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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