I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
