If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
