Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
