ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Of course I have a pirate flag
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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