you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
