Don't make out with my wife yet
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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