You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize