I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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