This girl is more easily done than said...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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