Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
