he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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