I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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