ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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