Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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