OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
