I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
