Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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