Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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