I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
