Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
