when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
