I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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