6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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