you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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