all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
