First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
