Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
