Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
