yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize