he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
