Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
